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Accept What God Chose for Me

The move last month from Pennsylvania to Texas was a lot, but I was successful. I didn’t know I had so much stuff, but the over forty boxes of clothes, kitchenware, pots and pans, small appliances somehow got packed and shipped. It took close to two weeks of getting up and unpacking at 5am, even if it was only for a couple of hours before starting my day. It was worth it. My new place looks so nice, and I was pleased I chose a smaller place. If I had gotten the same size as my last home I would have been squeezing everything in. But before I left my old apartment, I donated and gave away a lot of things to anyone who would take it (And believe me they did!), from a freezer to a small fridge, from refurbished old but solid furniture that didn’t sell on Facebook Marketplace, to other items I had not used in years, making the decision to get rid of it. My new place was much newer, built about five years ago, not over sixty years ago like my old place. The air conditioning clicks on like magic. My kitchen appliances are much newer and work wonderfully. My job is close by, and the commute is not far. With all these blessings, I think I am in thought overload and I need to stop the madness.

My thoughts have me wondering if I truly deserve this. God worked things out quickly and sufficiently, I could not have asked for anything more in everything working out in a short span of time. And yet, some how I wonder if I am deserving of all this. Why am I thinking this way? I know I did not create this. Getting a job, but only having a month to pack, pick a place to live, hiring movers to move my things over 1600 miles, selling my car (another story that worked out at the last minute), and on and on it goes. On the one hand I feel comfortable while on the other hand I keep thinking, and it’s not positive.

I suppose that is the issue with me; I just think too much. I never thought I would be where I am today and at this age. I have a son who wants to care for me, grandsons who love me, the job is working out, in fact everything is working out to the point I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I want to not only acknowledge what God has done, but I want to fully enjoy what He has given me and not feel guilty about it.

Perhaps what I need to remember is this:

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more that all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20

God made the choice to handle all the situations I came across regarding the move, and I need to accept that if His provisions is what He wanted to do, then accept it and move on with life. I recall when I was feeling overwhelmed while looking at a sea of boxes with more to pack, wondering if my finances would cover everything, and if all this would actually happen, I kept saying, “Lord, I trust you.” God worked everything out. And through that trust He will continue to do so. I am His child, and He is my provider. So, keep doing it Jehovah-Jireh, I accept what you choose to give me, and thanks.

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Trusting the New

The decision to move to Texas began as my son Steve asked when my current lease would be ending, which was December. It got me thinking about why I was still living in Philadelphia. Frankly there was no reason to stay here. So, the decision was made to make the move.

I started thinking to myself that I just wish the move was done. I wished all the packing was done, my plants had been transferred to my friend Shirley, whatever needed to be donated had been done, and I was living in my new place in Texas. Then I started thinking about wishing my finances were better it would be nice if I had a full-time job, having enough income to pay my debts in full. I also hoped the refurbished furniture would be sold, and on and on my thoughts kept going on in my brain.

So, I just prayed about it, all of it, telling God how I felt and what I hoped would happen. And then, things started happening.

I got the full-time job. The “catch” however, was that instead of making the move in December, it had to be within a month! I had to move the date with the movers and inform my employer if I would accept the job. I asked if the start date could be moved to later in the fall, but was told no. Then I had to make a decision. Talking to God, I said I would trust Him for all of it, if the lease could be broken, if I had enough finances to pay for everything, sell my car and having enough time to get everything packed and be ready to move in September.

Instead of paying for four months of rent, it was only two. I found a new apartment I really liked and was told I qualified for two months of free rent and a gift card. The movers were okay with changing the date, though it would cost more. I sold two furniture pieces in one week! I punched the numbers and discovered I had enough funds to pay for everything. My friends pointed out that by making the move now I was getting what I wanted, moving before the weather changed to winter, but whatever decision I made they would support it. I accepted the position and started making plans to move in a month. But there was one thing that was nagging in my brain.

Leaving my mother.

This year is three years since her passing, and I had thought about her a lot. It had been months since I visited her grave site, and I felt leaving her would be like betraying her. But I also knew she would have encouraged me to move, take the job and get on with my life.

Trusting God when I was not sure if the move was the right one brought stressful moments. But when things started happening quickly, I realized God heard my thoughts about wanting everything to swiftly be done. The sale of furniture was a sign. Having enough funds was a sign. Having inner peace was definitely a sign that the right decision was made. And finally, I started feeling excited about a new chapter in life was about to begin.

Psalm 32:8 (KJV)- I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.

Romand 8:28 (NIV) – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Job 23:10 – But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

Isaiah 43:19 (NIV)- See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Be strengthenized…

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Sustained Power

When something is sustainable it is a resource that never depletes and never runs out. Power is defined as the ability to act or produce an effect. If these two words are combined it would be something like

a never-ending resource that has a produced effect.

That’s how I feel about the power of God.

Recently I had a conversation with God. I admitted I have tried to accomplish things, but the results are failure. Whatever resources I use are not working, and I was tired of achieving these types of results which take me nowhere. So, I asked for His power, for His resources. I asked whatever He has to instill in me, replacing my power with His.

His response was immediate. I started noticing that when a thought entered my mind to do something, the power of doing it evaporated. For example, the goal was going to the store. I stay close to the list I made, not buying stuff I don’t need. I did not go to the store that sells my favorite candy, something I know I don’t need. The desire for it was not as strong as it once was. I went home as a wind of confidence swept across my face like a warm breeze. At the same time, I knew the reason for saying no to myself (a prayer I asked God to help me with) was a triumph that had the potential of continuing. But I also knew I needed to keep the continuance going by engaging in the persistent consistency of tapping into the power that I asked for that was not of my creation. This power was different. It was not fake. It was a sustainable influence that gave me control over myself.

So here are the results. I asked to start this week of changing eating habits, exercising with rest days, getting my school assignments completed early, not waiting until the last minute to get them done. The sustainability has been working as I exercised this week. I kept a mental tally of what day I was in regarding this new strategy whose underbelly was not mine but the power of God. Today is Day 7. I have noticed I am sleeping better; food is not constantly on my mind; I have not been to a restaurant in seven days and frankly the plan to go is not on my agenda.

I am feeling more confident that in the next four months I will feel better, have lost weight, and it will be all because of the tapping into the sustainable power of God. I am learning that a) His power is available, b) His power provides strength through my weakness and achieves what I could not do on my own and c) His power provides renewal through transformation in the power of the Holy Spirit. It is the daily manifestation of the divine intervention I needed. If I can receive it, so can you. Just ask Him; He will provide.

One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard: “Power belongs to you, God, and with you, Lord, is unfailing love”;

and, “You reward everyone according to what they have done.” Psalm 62:11,12

Be strengthenized with sustainable power.

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Trying Improvement; A New Way to Life

Constantly thinking about food is not a good way to live. It causes me to think about the next meal as I am ending the present one. While acknowledging I am getting older, eating at restaurants made me realize that my salt intake had increased over the years. The way I existed was a way I did not like. Sleeping problems, pants feeling tighter, ankles swelling, aches and pains, and on and on. Something needs to change. So why hadn’t I implemented change?

While I saw others lose weight, I did not think I was up to the challenge, and felt like an endless failure. Foods I liked weren’t good for me. Not wanting to cook for myself was replaced with eating out, because that was the quick way to get something to eat. The problem was I had to realize I was not satisfied, and because of that lack of satisfaction it made me want to eat more. I had no reward system, and I felt like I was driving myself deeper into an abyss that frankly made no sense.

Something truly needed to change.

I felt guilty going to the doctor. Constantly being told to lose weight and change my eating habits was the mantra of each appointment. And that mantra has been stated for well over a decade. Either my weight stayed the same, lost two or three pounds after six months, or increased by five or more pounds. If I am being honest, it was not that God was telling me I was a failure or losing weight was not going to work for me; I admitted that my mantra was that I didn’t think I could be successful.

But with God all things are possible, right? If I only believe it can happen right? With God’s help what seems impossible is indeed possible. The bottom line was this: God was waiting on me to implement change. And when the time comes to try improvement, He would be more than ready to help.

After much thought, I decided to try improving myself. I prayed to God to give me the power to say no to myself: no to eating out so much, no to eating candy, reviewing when I eat and making changes. For example, many times I am not hungry and don’t eat. But I believe my glucose dips too much, and I don’t feel well. So, the change has been to eat every two to three hours as my research has shown this is helpful for those with type 2 diabetes. I am learning that a full meal is not necessary, but eat something like some fruit, a salad, soup, or a small sandwich. I have experienced an improvement just by doing that.

Next is what I am eating. Fast food (my opinion) is like fake food. Something is missing from it, and/or so many other non-natural items are added that does not agree with my system, making me feel bloated and gassy, and wanting to quickly go to sleep within minutes of eating it. Change was needed. I noticed when I ate real food like roast beef with vegetables, having yogurt as a quick dessert, chia pudding with strawberries, not only did I not get immediately sleepy after eating, I did not think about food as much as I used to. Wow, what an improvement that has been!

And the power I asked God for? He has provided. I am saying no to myself when a thought comes to mind to get some candy or go to a restaurant. For example, my usual Sunday restaurant meal I did not have this past Sunday. That made me feel good about myself for a change.

I am encouraged to continue this. I know I am not the type to go on a strict diet, but I can make changes regarding food intake, get back in the habit of exercising at the gym and doing exercises my physical therapists recommended, all helping to establish something new: an improvement to life. I am giving myself to the end of October to see if I can lose the weight and get out of the 200s while I experience being strengthenized…

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Fear Has to Flee

How do you react when you think about change? Does it make you feel all giddy and bubbly inside? Or does it make you fearful? My last post spoke of being fearful of change. Weeks later, I am still grappling with the issue.

One evening earlier this week, my mind kept circling around a lot of questions.

*What if I don’t have enough funds for moving expenses?

*What if I can’t sell my car?

*What if the apartment complex doesn’t have a unit available on the date I need?

*What if…what if…what if???

Then it hit me. What if you just give all this over to God for Him to handle? So I did. As I lay in my bed, tired of my mind spinning about this, I gave over what I could think of that dealt with fear:

The fear of funds. The fear of making the right decision. The fear of choosing the right moving company to move my things. The fear of it getting to Texas in the time I was told it would arrive. The fear of having a place to live. The fear of getting my school assignments completed on time. The fear of anything and everything.

One by one I gave it over. And as I did that, there was peace. My mind stopped circling as fear left.

1 Peter 5:7 – Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Philippians 4:6,7 – Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present you requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

John 14:27 – Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. l I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

What God asks of me is simple. Whatever is twirling around in our heads is needless worry, and that is not what he wants us to experience. It is spinning in my head is not needed when I have a God who cares, who is willing to listen and act on my behalf, and guard my mind in the process.

Fear has to flee, and when the Living Word of God is applied to the situation, fear has to go. This is a challenge and whenever fear rears its ugly head, I have to remember what God says about it and go to Him.

Psalm 34:4 – I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Be strengthenized.

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Don’t be Fearful of Change

I got a text from my son telling me he is moving and asked when my apartment lease was up (which is December). He wants me to move. Actually, it was last discussed about a couple of years ago, but I decided not to do it. This time may be the right time to take the plunge. But…

As I usually do, I keep thinking and thinking and thinking if it is a good idea. This is a big change, pulling up roots and moving to a place I have only visited a few times. Nice place to visit, but would I really want to live there? Then I thought of why I wanted to move versus why I want to stay in Philadelphia. The reason to stay was to be the caregiver for my mother who was in advanced stages of dementia. But she passed away, and as of this month (June) it will be three years. It was a very challenging time caring for her, and during those seven or eight years, my life felt stuck, wishing I could move. There is no reason for me to now continue to live in Philadelphia. I have the freedom to bust a move. But the buts keep mentally getting in my way. Which brings me to this past Sunday.

If I am honest, I admit I did not want to go to church. I had been in a rut lately, and I just wanted to stay home and mope around. But I decided to go, asking God to give me something I could sink my mental teeth into…please God! Well, when you ask, look forward to receiving!

Pastor Andre Jones of Discover Church gave me the words I needed, talking about

  • calling (the work or purpose a person feels uniquely drawn to pursue and contribute to the world),
  • that God is the one doing the calling and you can arm wrestle all you want, He will win
  • your calling is the assignment God gives you, and your gift is the grace God gives you to carry it out, so walk worthy of the calling (Ephesians 4:1)

And this was the one that I needed to hear and put my fears at ease:

God will bring you into new boundaries as he brings new relationships.

He will equip you for the assignment.

Calling begins when God names what He has placed in you, separates it for His purpose, and assigns it to serve the world.

And so I will look at apartment complexes, get rid of a lot of stuff, talk to moving companies and so on and so on, to see what new boundaries and new relationships will be presented. No more arm wrestling, no more fearful thinking. Just do it and see what God has in store in a new environment. When you look at it that way, a new perspective is created.

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” Isaiah 43:19 NIV

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Same Thing = The Same Results (ST = SR)

Imagine purchasing a spin bike. You like its design and bright colors, take the time to put it together, and give it a place in your home. Weeks go by with you continuing to look at it, just as you looked at the picture on the internet when you were considering which model to buy. Making the decision to purchase was big for you, knowing that making the purchase meant you were ready to make a change...or were you?

You went online to purchase a gym membership. It was a good price, and the location was about three minutes away; perfect for traveling. You could quickly get there, get your class done, and quickly get back home. But there’s a problem: you never started.

And then your frustrated mind is hit with the same thought you usually get: If you keep doing the same thing, you’ll keep getting the same results.

“Nothing changes until you change. Everything changes once you change.” – Julian Lennon

There was a woman in the New Testament (don’t know her name) who was sick and had been for some twelve years. She was bleeding constantly, and though she went to doctors (some tried to help while others just took her money) she got worse as the years went by. She was financially ruined, using the usual solutions for getting well, but getting the same results, which for her came to zero. She heard about Jesus and that he was healing people and decided to make a change. She thought that if she could get to him and touch him, she would get well. Why not give it a try since nothing else was working after all these years? Long story short, she eventually got to Jesus, touched him, and he knew someone touched him though he did not know who. So, he asked the question. “Who touched me?” She was afraid to answer but eventually came forward, telling him her plight. Not only did he call her daughter but told her it was her faith that made her well. It is interesting Jesus did not say it was him that healed her, but her faith is what did it. And by the way, the bleeding stopped and she experienced healing.

Making the change to get on the bike and pedal is faith in action. Having the faith to get that wide rear end on that seat acknowledges you are willing to cause change in your life, though you may not instantly see a difference at first. Going to the gym and lifting weights proclaims you want to be stronger and leaner and doing something for your overall health. It is the faith you have in your abilities to bust a move by doing something different. It is replacing complacency (looking at the bike) with determination (riding the bike). It is getting in the car and driving to the gym and taking a class that starts the shift from never going to scheduling to go and actually doing it. I suppose the title of this post should be

Changes Yield Different Results

Why not try THAT for a change? For those what want to read about the woman with the issue of blood, it’s in the bible: Mark 5: 25-34.

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This Might Just Work Out

School has begun, and I admit it did not begin on a positive note. While I looked forward to the Phoenix trip to visit my counselor and tour Grand Canyon University (Why not? The school provided this all-expense paid adventure!), I knew that Saturday would be packed with going here and there, receiving a lot of information, hoping my mind would process it all. In a way it did, but it mentally tired me out. Class would start the following Thursday, trying to understand the format of online learning (and not really understanding it at all), wondering if my school loans were approved and then feeling more overwhelmed when I was told they were. My counselor told me all the paperwork was done, and I was good to go. Falling into bed that evening with my mind not being able to shut off, then making sure everything was packed to be outside for my ride to the airport at 5am the next morning to board a packed airplane with my tired head still spinning, wondering if I was going to be successful.
It took about three days for me to mentally allow myself to calm down and get some rest. Tuesday, I met my professor who supplied me and my classmates with encouraging words that enabled me to trust myself in taking the time to read everything in the online classroom, and it was full of information, from resources to read, to setting up zoom for meetings, to how to read the assignments, due dates of assignments, how to submit the words that formed my responses to the questions, and on and on it went.

But then something happened.

I allowed myself to submit an assignment. Then another. And before I knew it, I had submitted four assignments; I surprised myself. But more importantly, I recognized that as I pressed the submit button, I was starting to calm down, get sleep at night, as I started to understand what I needed to do. I thought of how to be productive by staying on top of the reading, purchasing a digital planner I truly love (once I learned how to use it), and following my inkling not to purchase the expensive ones but one that was under $40 and included everything I need for all aspects my life.

Now if I can just stay on top of everything. School in the AM, work in the PM, eat dinner and then back to school work. I vowed not to overwhelm myself with each day, and how to accomplish tasks and not allow time to pass without doing anything, map out a plan that would utilize my time efficiently (not just for school, but for doing laundry, paying bills, etc.), which would eliminate any actions that would make me feel like I wasted precious time. Then positive thoughts infiltrated my mind.

Maybe I can do this. I think I can get into this learning thing. I think I will be successful. And that made me feel better about this journey. This might just work out after all.

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Change is a Good Thing; Go for It!

I have been thinking about making big changes, from moving to another city to going to grad school to complete another master’s degree. And while I finally came to the decision to follow my dream of being a counselor (paperwork is almost done), I mentally put on the back burner moving to another city. I kept coming up with excuses for not doing it: the costs involved, going to a new atmosphere with new people, packing up all my stuff (You never know how much stuff you have accumulated over the years until you start packing!), and I thought why not just stay where you are. True, you are not happy being where you are, but at least you are used to the surroundings.

Then I thought, Would God have you continue to experience being in a non-contented state? Then some thoughts seemed to appear to come out of the blue.

Being involved with your grandkids. I miss the twins, as I haven’t spoken to them in months, and haven’t visited them in over a year. I started thinking about wanting to be involved in their lives, and the way to do that is to first facetime them often and eventually move to where they are and do all I could to be their grandmother. I have been thinking about that a lot this week.

When you make the move, do it for you, not depending on anyone’s decisions about their life. I have been thinking that I don’t want to move to be with my loved ones, only to have them move. But what if that did happen? What would you do? Whether they stay in the city I move to or whether they move somewhere else after I settle there, I have to determine why I made the decision to move in the first place. And that would be to experience something new and refreshing: a city that is for the most part warm (actually hot and humid), but I would not have to worry about boots and winter coats to shield me from the snow, because there wouldn’t be any (for the most part). My decision to move would be for me, doing something new instead of being in a city I have lived in for years, and feeling like I am in a rut, stuck in my ways. No, if I am going to do it, it has to be for me.

And then, as God always does, He showed me something that brought me to tears. And the way He does it with me is through a tv show, looking at the life of another, and seeing myself.

On this show was a senior woman who just 18 months prior lost her husband. They lived in the house they purchased back in the ’70’s for $75,000, and down through the years they often talked about renovating the house. Some projects were done, but not everything. Then he got sick, and the renovations were not fully accomplished. But in the show, she now had the funds to do a full renovation that would take months to finish, from building an addition to gives her a large ensuite, a larger kitchen as she loved to cook, a two-car garage, and sprucing up the front yard and the brick on the outside of the house.

As the plans were described to her, the woman turned and started to cry, as she realized her decades-long dream was about to become a reality. She knew her husband would have loved it, but at the same time she wished he was there with her. Well, at that point, I started crying. Not about the renovation, but about her making a big change. Change so she would not have to climb the stairs and experience her knees hurting. Change to experience her home being transformed into a place she could enjoy, and all because she took the leap to embrace change.

The tears kept coming and I started praying.

God, these ideas I’ve been having. Are they from You? Please tell me because I need to know. I don’t want to do something, and it is not from You. So please, tell me something!“

At the end of the show as she was shown her house overwhelmed her. Her answer, when asked if her renovated house was what she thought it would be, was that it was much more than she thought. Tears again started flowing down my face (Really, God? Must this keep happening?) Maybe this experience answered the question I asked God. It is time to pack up and move to Houston, TX, regardless of what happens, regardless of who stays or who goes, I need to bust a move and do something new.

Will it be this year? No, it will not. I want to get out of debt, graduate from school, and pass the test to be a licensed counselor and then make the move. But then again, who knows, I may bust a move before I finish school, as I can continue my online classes anywhere.

I am trying not to be afraid of change, but to embrace it. The way to embrace is to go for it!

“Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers int he badlands…. Isaiah 43:19 MSG

“Do not remember the former things, Or ponder the things of the past. Listen carefully, I am about to do a new thing, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even put a road in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43: 18,19 AMP