life

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Accept What God Chose for Me

The move last month from Pennsylvania to Texas was a lot, but I was successful. I didn’t know I had so much stuff, but the over forty boxes of clothes, kitchenware, pots and pans, small appliances somehow got packed and shipped. It took close to two weeks of getting up and unpacking at 5am, even if it was only for a couple of hours before starting my day. It was worth it. My new place looks so nice, and I was pleased I chose a smaller place. If I had gotten the same size as my last home I would have been squeezing everything in. But before I left my old apartment, I donated and gave away a lot of things to anyone who would take it (And believe me they did!), from a freezer to a small fridge, from refurbished old but solid furniture that didn’t sell on Facebook Marketplace, to other items I had not used in years, making the decision to get rid of it. My new place was much newer, built about five years ago, not over sixty years ago like my old place. The air conditioning clicks on like magic. My kitchen appliances are much newer and work wonderfully. My job is close by, and the commute is not far. With all these blessings, I think I am in thought overload and I need to stop the madness.

My thoughts have me wondering if I truly deserve this. God worked things out quickly and sufficiently, I could not have asked for anything more in everything working out in a short span of time. And yet, some how I wonder if I am deserving of all this. Why am I thinking this way? I know I did not create this. Getting a job, but only having a month to pack, pick a place to live, hiring movers to move my things over 1600 miles, selling my car (another story that worked out at the last minute), and on and on it goes. On the one hand I feel comfortable while on the other hand I keep thinking, and it’s not positive.

I suppose that is the issue with me; I just think too much. I never thought I would be where I am today and at this age. I have a son who wants to care for me, grandsons who love me, the job is working out, in fact everything is working out to the point I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I want to not only acknowledge what God has done, but I want to fully enjoy what He has given me and not feel guilty about it.

Perhaps what I need to remember is this:

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more that all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20

God made the choice to handle all the situations I came across regarding the move, and I need to accept that if His provisions is what He wanted to do, then accept it and move on with life. I recall when I was feeling overwhelmed while looking at a sea of boxes with more to pack, wondering if my finances would cover everything, and if all this would actually happen, I kept saying, “Lord, I trust you.” God worked everything out. And through that trust He will continue to do so. I am His child, and He is my provider. So, keep doing it Jehovah-Jireh, I accept what you choose to give me, and thanks.

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Trusting the New

The decision to move to Texas began as my son Steve asked when my current lease would be ending, which was December. It got me thinking about why I was still living in Philadelphia. Frankly there was no reason to stay here. So, the decision was made to make the move.

I started thinking to myself that I just wish the move was done. I wished all the packing was done, my plants had been transferred to my friend Shirley, whatever needed to be donated had been done, and I was living in my new place in Texas. Then I started thinking about wishing my finances were better it would be nice if I had a full-time job, having enough income to pay my debts in full. I also hoped the refurbished furniture would be sold, and on and on my thoughts kept going on in my brain.

So, I just prayed about it, all of it, telling God how I felt and what I hoped would happen. And then, things started happening.

I got the full-time job. The “catch” however, was that instead of making the move in December, it had to be within a month! I had to move the date with the movers and inform my employer if I would accept the job. I asked if the start date could be moved to later in the fall, but was told no. Then I had to make a decision. Talking to God, I said I would trust Him for all of it, if the lease could be broken, if I had enough finances to pay for everything, sell my car and having enough time to get everything packed and be ready to move in September.

Instead of paying for four months of rent, it was only two. I found a new apartment I really liked and was told I qualified for two months of free rent and a gift card. The movers were okay with changing the date, though it would cost more. I sold two furniture pieces in one week! I punched the numbers and discovered I had enough funds to pay for everything. My friends pointed out that by making the move now I was getting what I wanted, moving before the weather changed to winter, but whatever decision I made they would support it. I accepted the position and started making plans to move in a month. But there was one thing that was nagging in my brain.

Leaving my mother.

This year is three years since her passing, and I had thought about her a lot. It had been months since I visited her grave site, and I felt leaving her would be like betraying her. But I also knew she would have encouraged me to move, take the job and get on with my life.

Trusting God when I was not sure if the move was the right one brought stressful moments. But when things started happening quickly, I realized God heard my thoughts about wanting everything to swiftly be done. The sale of furniture was a sign. Having enough funds was a sign. Having inner peace was definitely a sign that the right decision was made. And finally, I started feeling excited about a new chapter in life was about to begin.

Psalm 32:8 (KJV)- I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.

Romand 8:28 (NIV) – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Job 23:10 – But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

Isaiah 43:19 (NIV)- See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Be strengthenized…

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Focusing on Who Matters

Everyone has gifts and talents, those things that give us a spark from within. I look at it as how it is not something I have developed, but it is something gifted by God. You know you have that “it” that you want to do, that you know you can do. But at the same time, there seems to be a problem with it. By that I mean the timing may be off for doing it, or it may be that others do not believe you have what it takes to be successful in doing it. But those same people have no problem believing in others and encouraging them. For me, this leads to frustration, particularly when being passed over keeps happening. Though I have volunteered or asked to do something, saying I am available for doing something, I am not asked. But here is the crazy thing about it all.

For example, I may do something, and I feel God’s presence through it all, and whatever it is I am doing goes over well. Those who are present are pleased with the efforts made. But there is no one there from my team who comes and experiences what happened. They decide to go to another site and not mine. When this happened recently, it made me feel alone. But after thinking, I have come up with some conclusions.

When it doesn’t appear that others are involved or would rather be somewhere else, there is someone who is involved and does care. That person is the one who is the most important. And He is not human, but He does approve of the effort. And because of that,

  1. I had to acknowledge who my focus should be on. If it is people, I have had enough experience to know that people let you down. If people are the focus, I will continue to be disappointed. But what if the focus came in the form of a question? God, were You pleased? When the focus shifts from people to God, and I ask Him the question, and His response is that He is happy, shouldn’t that be all I need to know at that point?
  2. I thought of all the ideas I had, getting them on paper, and presenting them. But God included more thoughts and helped me say them. When I did that, the responses from those who listened to those ideas were happy to hear them. Many said they were happy they came to hear what I had to say, it made them feel better. This in turn made me feel better, like all my effort was not in vain. I said things to the people who came to the bible study that were not written down. Thoughts linked up to bible verses I did not think of as they popped in my head and flowed through my speech, surprising me in the process. The flow of it all was great, and I thanked God for His involvement.
  3. As I sat in my car, I thought of all that happened in the past sixty minutes. I was in awe of how well the lesson I created went. But at the same time, I knew this was not me; I could not take credit for what occurred. I was happy God was pleased.

So, what does all this mean? I already know there will come another situation where something similar to this one will occur again. But when it happens, I must remember who is with me, and who is okay with me. It doesn’t matter that humans don’t approve or acknowledge what I have done. God knows, and He is all that matters in the scheme of things.