Today I had an agenda to hold myself accountable: a) finish cleaning my apartment, b) clean the Benny the cat’s bathroom, otherwise known as the liter box, c) not to get nervous about today’s virtual book release party. Well, 2 out of 3 isn’t so bad.

Both mine and Benny’s bathrooms got cleaned. Once my publisher arrived, we set up doing a conference on Facebook Live regarding my book launch. At first things were going smoothly, friends came to the launch and all was well…until the technical difficulties started. While everyone was patient and we got back on after three tries, I felt a bit frustrated. My nervousness, at the beginning had left, but soon returned. Kyra my publisher remained patient, and before long we were back on track though we had lost some time dealing with the difficulties.

I remembered a verse of the day reading I glanced at before the launch party began:

“I will refresh the weary

and satisfy the faint.” Jeremiah 31:25

What I truly did not like had nothing to do with the launch party: it was my face looked on the computer screen. I looked every bit of the weight I had been carrying for years and I didn’t like it. Perhaps this is where the feelings of being weary and faint were stemming from. Though I started a new diet this week, the moment I looked at the screen, I felt defeated. But the above verse gave me enlightenment and encouragement to continue.

After the launch party was over, I thought about going to a restaurant to get something that was not full of any nutritional value to drain my feelings as I usually do. I can’t explain it, but I didn’t go. Going for fast food is the thing I would have done, but today that did not happen. I knew that decision did not come from me. It was the result of praying earlier for help, and that Source kept me from venturing out and doing something that would make me feel negative about myself later.

And so I will continue on with this weight struggle. I will continue to learn what it means to not rely on myself, but on the power of God to get me through to victory. Today I believe was significant.

“You are o-pen-ing my eyes, You’re o-pen-ing my eyes Lord, to brand new pos-si-bi-li-ties…” from the song Edge of My Seat by TobyMac