This is day two of discoveries. There was something I really had my heart set on. I felt it was from God, the timing seemed to be spot on, and I was waiting to receive it.
But it didn’t happen.
Initially I felt really disappointed, and the opportunity to do my usual reaction of going downward presented itself to me. As I was at my desk yesterday regarding discovery, I was at my desk today when I got the news that what I thought was going to happen had come to a screeching halt.
I remember sometime last year a similar situation occurred with the same result. That was fine with me, as I was felt like there was something better that was waiting for me. But yet about a month ago, I was still trying to make my present situation work for me. I hope you are reading this correctly: it was I who was trying to make things work. Have you ever been there? Have you ever been in a situation where you don’t particularly like it, but at least you know what to expect, know what is going to happen, and you accept it and continue with it. The problem is there is so much more to experience, more than being in a stuck atmosphere of mere acceptance of the mundane, living a below average life instead of living and experiencing freedom.
That is the word that has been ringing in my head this week. Freedom, Freedom where are you? Cause I need freedom too! Strong lyrics in Beyoncé’s song Freedom. But as I continued to think, getting what I wanted would not give me freedom, but put me in deeper bondage, mentally, financially, and physically. I had to admit once I realized what I wanted was not going to happen, somewhere within I felt a bit relieved. Am I still where I am that I don’t want to be? Yes. But what is great about all of this is there is still a door just waiting to be found, waiting to be opened, and it is the door where there is true freedom as God would want it.
And if you are a believer, wouldn’t that be what you want, which is what He wants? I hope your answer is yes. This and much more came to mind as those who care about me said there is something better. I learned today that there is a door I need to locate and open, not being afraid to walk through. As my minds eye opened to that possibility, I discovered there was no mental madness as I described yesterday: no feeling bad about myself, wanting to indulge in the downward spiral of negativity with its close friend called depression. The enemy may have sent me a mental invitation to wallow in self-pity, but I turned down the psychological email. Instead I determined to continue on knocking until the right door presents itself.
The response to negative news does not mean you have to inwardly respond in the negative. Your glass is not half empty. There is something better out there. How we respond actually may make your glass more than half full. I thanked God I didn’t get what I wanted (a new and different reaction far different from the why-didn’t-this-happen-for-me syndrome I usually suffer through). That usual thought has been replaced with well God, what’s next?
So I will continue to find my door that God wants me to walk through, and if I allow him in faith believing, he will present it to me, for I
“Won’t let my freedom rot in hell…Hey! I’m a keep running Cause a winner don’t quit on themselves!”*
*lyrics from Freedom by Beyonce