Why is it when I want to begin something positive, turmoil resonates deep within me? Why is it when I want to start something that is meaningful and important to me, my mind seems to instantly think about something else that has nothing to do with the action I want to start? All the while this is happening, I often wonder just what is going on, and it has me often confused and frustrated.

My mind starts spinning in endless circles, thinking of other things, and before I know it, I am doing something else. I notice it is busy stuff, that can wait until another time, yet it seems like I have to get it done at that moment. There is some type of mental immediacy that tells me to focus my attention on the ‘it’ that has no importance in the here and now. But yet I find myself doing that, being in a circle of doing things that can wait to a later time.

These endless circles of the unimportant cause me to fight from within. Why do I keep doing this? I often ask myself. Unfortunately, I have no answer for it, let alone any solution to move out of these mundane and unimportant tasks. After continuing to think why I do this, I instead told myself that I need to start what is important no matter what I think.

Today was the beginning of the start.

I pulled out my reading materials, and at first I just stared at it, as though I was waiting for the endless circles to start turning in my mind. And that did happen, but this time I did not give into it. And something interesting happened to my mind.

The mental endless circles of doing something else stopped.

I was surprised. It was as though because I started doing something I deemed important won the battle, which made me feel victorious. But why was that, after weeks of trying to do the important stuff?

THE BEGINNING

IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE WORK

Every act has a beginning which is most important. The enemy also knows that to begin is the start of his demise, so he tries to do everything to stop the beginning. I realized all the endless circles was his way of stopping me from beginning, and it was working for a while. But what the enemy does not know is my God is bigger, greater, and higher than any other.

I also learned that I must keep my hand to the plow, and just begin. It doesn’t have to be for a long amount of time, the most important thing to keep in mind is to just begin. Eventually, my time in beginning will increase, as long as I keep being determined to continue.

Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be. Job 8:7

Starting out may seem small (like applying a few minutes to the task), but keep at it, and it will happen, and you will be prosperous in it. The inner struggle will dissipate, and you will be victorious.

Ask God for help. He will come to your aid.

For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:8 NIV

I have no doubt that the inner turmoil will continue to rear its ugly head. But I must do my part in continuing to ask God for help, being determined to persevere in the process.

I sought the Lord, and he heard me, And delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4 KJV (italics mine)

So I must continue to begin, to start what I want to accomplish. God will be there for me and will fight and win my battles on my behalf, as I continue to seek him.

Idea creation has never been a problem for me: starting them is my enemy. The idea sounds great and I can envision doing it, but then my head thinks too much, and weeks, usually months later, I have not started the first phase. Why?

Many reasons, and all of them are negative.

• The what-ifs start infiltrating my mind.
  • What if I am not successful?
  • What if I can’t do it?
  • What if I fail?
  • It will take forever to accomplish, so why even bother?

This causes me to be stuck in thoughts that may never happen. But why stay in this conundrum and never move forward? So, I decided to read books, like Atomic Habits by James Clear, and The Power to Change by Craig Groeschel. They are very similar in content, and both are very well written. I have read both and am trying to incorporate them into my everyday life. But it is still challenging to make the move to actually make the changes.

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training.” 1 Corinthians 9: 24,25 NIV

When someone who is a believer is in this thought pattern, it is highly likely that it is not God who is stopping any effort, but the person themselves. Actually, I think God is patiently waiting for me to bust a move, trusting him in the process. The problem (I think) is that I don’t trust myself. So, I will make tiny changes in hopes of that developing into bigger change implementation. I will start by keeping a daily journal that will detail the good and the bad of my journey. This will be coupled with a lot of prayer, and then I have to trust not only in God’s power, but also have a belief in myself that I can do this thing.

“Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction.” Germany Kent

Time will tell…

Yesterday was not a good day. Actually, it was a day where I just wasted time. Not much did I do. A couple of things got done, but not much. In particular, nothing was done to change what has been foremost on my mind: exercising and doing what I can to lose weight. Why is this?

Many reasons floating in my mind:

• Laziness
• Will I be successful? My mind thinks no
• Fear of failure

Then I thought all the above was based on my assumptions, on what I could (or could not do) in my own strength. But God can help me, if I allow Him access. For example, I started seeing articles of how others lost weight, going on a walking program, and creating a habit. That gave me an idea to start a Face Book page on creating habits. For me, that would be a way of establishing accountability with others. Well, at least that is my idea. I have to see if others will join me.

How about you? Go to my FB page entitled Habit Building and check it out. Send me your comments and hope you can join me for the journey.

Remember: With God, anything is possible. Be strengthened…

Trying to start a business has its challenges. At times I wonder just what I am doing, and I am not sure of how to go about it. Am I doing the right thing, am I on the right track? That is what I keep asking myself. I think if I peel away the layers, the underlying issue is that I am fearful I will not be successful, that I am setting up everything to fail.

Then came last night, actually early this morning.

For years I have had trouble sleeping, and it is really frustrating. During the night it appeared I would sleep for one to two hours, then wake up, go to the bathroom, and make the attempt to get back to sleep. But I also realized I was having these crazy dreams, to the point that if I wasn’t careful, I would become too scared to move. There have been times this had happened before years ago when the result being I was really scared. I would pray and call out the name of Jesus, and eventually I would go back to sleep.

A couple of months ago I purchased a new bed with an adjustable frame, and I really like it (go to dreamcloudsleep.com and check it out), in an attempt to see if a new bed would make my sleeping better, and in a lot of ways it has done just that. But when you are half awake but not yet asleep, one starts thinking something is wrong with the bed. I prayed for God to bless the bed, I prayed that I would only dream dreams God sent, I called out Jesus’ name. Then something occurred to me:

• What have you been doing of late?
• Was what you have been doing wrong, meaning is God pleased or not?
• Who is not pleased with you now?

Then I started thinking.

• I am teaching a small group using the book Don’t Give the Enemy A Seat at Your Table by Louie Giglio, which started Tuesday, and the first meeting went well.
• I started taking a class from a seminary about Christology; that started the same night
• My goal with the business is to help religious organizations by creating short videos that could introduce new sermon series
• I am creating short videos to sell as subscriptions; the videos’ point of view is based from a faith perspective

Then I remembered the dreams I was having. They were not positive; people beating each other up, chasing each other, people dressed in black doing the same. These dreams were similar to the ones I had years ago. Then the question came to me mentally if what I was doing was wrong; of course, the answer was no. But there was someone who was not happy with what I was doing, and that was the enemy. Therefore, God was pleased, and I should stay the course. He would see to it that what I need He would provide. I kept praying until I dropped back off to sleep.

Sometimes one has to take a pause and consider some things, do an analysis, the good and the bad. Frankly, I felt better regarding what I was doing, and decided to continue. I don’t know when the business will take off, but I am confident it will. And if you are going through challenges, wondering what is going on, do an analysis of the good and the bad of the situation. If the good outweighs the bad, keep trudging along, keeping God as your focus and going to him for help when the struggle seems a bit too much.

He will come to your aid; he promises to do so. If he will do it for me, he will do it for you too.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

Be strengthened…

For those of you who are walking a faith walk, I am sure you have read fear does not come from God. His word says he has not given us the spirit of fear. Yet, in this earthen body of ours, our nature experiences this phenomenon which brings on angst. This particularly happens when one makes the decision to change, to accept and embrace doing life differently. As I make the attempt to turn a new page and try something different, I have to stop and think about what I am doing.

Take for example living a life for many years of being happy for other people who take vacations, and experience time away to get some rest and have fun. I admit I have not done that much. If I did take a trip, it would be to attend a church conference. There would be so much to do during the week that there would not be time left in the schedule to tour the city and do something fun.

So, I decided to do the fun. I went to a city I have never visited, set up three sightseeing tours, picked a nice hotel for my stay, did research of the restaurants I would visit, and had some fun for a change. I only stayed four days, and it was a lovely trip to Charleston, South Carolina. I enjoyed how clean the city was, and its architecture of homes that were built in the 1600-1900s, still standing with its side porches and iron gates, many that were created by African American blacksmith Philip Simmons.

When I returned home, a new bed was soon to be delivered; it had been at least ten years since I purchased one. Another change was about to happen, and I started thinking if I should cancel the purchase. But I was glad to receive the shipment, and I am enjoying it immensely.

Before I left for my trip, I worked on starting a new business. I got the paperwork completed, got the website up and running, and I was pleased with the effort. But again, fear set in. Is this going to be profitable? Will I get any clients? Many questions came flooding in my head, and I had to stop and take time to pray.

“Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,…” Ephesians 3:20

Change may be challenging, but it is not impossible, because of the Power that works in us who are believers. Doing something new is what God has in store for us:

“Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?” Isaiah 43:19a

Change is available to those who want it. With God’s help, it will happen, as he takes the fear away, replacing it with victory of doing something new.

Check out my new website! In case you want to know NUHTIA =Now unto him that is able, from Ephesians 3:20.

Source: The Power to Change by Craig Groeschel

Imagine there is a 5k race about to begin. A guy is at the starting line, observing others stretching, drinking water in preparation to start the race. Another one comes up and ask the guy (let’s call him Tony) what he did to prepare for the race.

“Oh, I didn’t do nothing. I thought I would just try to run the race and see what happens.”

The other looks at Tony in disbelief. “You are going to try?” was the question. Before long the gun goes off, and Tony tries really hard to run. He hadn’t run in years, but he tries. Needless to say, Tony doesn’t last for long. Volunteers rush to his aid after he falls off to the side of the road, vomiting and in much pain.

He tried, but he had not been in training. If he was, Tony would have prepared his body by eating the right food, running many miles a day for a few months, stretching and whatever he needed to do to get ready for the big race. He would have gotten his body trained to hit the pavement and run with the others. He had a goal in mind, but he had to subjected his body to a rigorous season of training to get in shape. Instead, he tried to run hoped for the best.

Trying does not involve much. You try to lose weight, but continue to eat the same fast food, snacks and soda that got you overweight in the first place, all the while trying to reach a goal that is not going to come into fruition. You try to get out of debt but continue to catch those sales and use your credit cards that are close to being maxed out, making the minimum payments that will take decades to bring the balance to zero. You ask God to help you, but at the same time, He says he is willing, and is waiting on you to evoke change in your deep-rooted habits that need changing.

Lately I have been drawn to watching interviews with athletes. They have been in their sport for years, and it is habitual for them to get up early in the morning and train. Even as they are being interviewed, they are stretching, taking jump shots or swinging a bat, all in preparation for playing their sport. For those who endure the intense training for years, a time will come when the training pays off, and you see a tennis player like Chris Eubanks who was ranked at least 119th in the world before the Wimbledon tournament, defeat #5 ranked Stefanos Tsitsipas in the quarterfinals. His ranking soared to #31 in the world. And he didn’t try; he trained. And that training paid off.

This is what Paul had to say on the subject of training:

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 1 Corinthians 9:25

• Define your goal – write it down

• Change your habits
• Find out all you can about how to achieve it
• Go after it and train!

(Note: thanks Daryl Anderson for the thought!)

I attend a group zoom prayer group every Wednesday morning. This morning before we ended our leader Daryl asked us if we had been to the bakery today, and to make sure we went. Just like that, I got an idea for a post.

I love a lovely loaf of bread. My favorite type is sourdough. There is something about the flavor and the texture that has me enjoying it, especially when it is warm. It satisfies me to the point that I have to fight with myself not to have another slice (and usually I lose the fight). But think of going to a bakery. It is chock full of many scrumptious baked goods, and if you get there early enough, the items are still warm. That lets you know the quality of its freshness. The ingredients were just mixed to form a dough of tasty goodness that warms your day with your favorite cup of coffee or tea; what a lovely combination! But you have to go to the bakery to get your delectable delights, hence the question: have you been to the bakery today?

Now the bakery I am talking about is not literal, but spiritual. The bakery I am talking about has bread that you can eat, a bread that the inner parts of you need, and you need to go on a daily basis. In fact, you may need to go to this bakery several times a day, many times a week. Now this bakery contains something that will not make you physically fat, but with cause your spiritual self to be pleasantly plump. Here are some products you can have:

• Deuteronomy 8:3 – He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.
• Isaiah 55:2 – Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good and you will delight in the richest of fare.
• John 8: 32-35 – Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, it is not Moses who has given you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is the bread that comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” “Sir,” they said, “always give us this bread.” Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.

The bread I got from the grocery store is tasty, but it will not assist me when I need to make life decisions. It will not comfort me when I need encouragement, and that bread is not in my cupboard to give me hope.

God’s bread is different.

It is manna that is from heaven, specifically made for the human soul. Israel needed food for nourishment as they travelled through the wilderness. It not only aided them physically, but provided hope that God is a provider for anything they needed. When Jesus hit the planet, he informed the disciples that it was not Moses who provided manna, but God who gave the true bread, and that bread gives life to the world. Jesus describes himself as the bread of life, and whoever partakes of that bread will no longer be hungry. This bakery is Jesus, who provides sustenance for inner hunger, answers for everyday life, a bread that will not mold or get hard. This bread sustains.

So, while I love sourdough bread, I will daily go to God’s bakery and partake in the bread that provides life for me. How about you? Be encouraged to do so…

I did not know it had been since September 2022 that I had written in this blog. I wrote more in the other blog, lucidity2015.com. So, here is a quick update regarding my mother:

• August: mom broke her leg, and had surgery, which was a success
• October: stopped eating and drinking; had feeding tube inserted
• 2023
  • still would not eat
  • body started breaking down with massive bed sores
  • June 17, 2023: Mom left earth

After the funeral, I went on a trip to see friends, to get away from it all. I knew something big was about to happen, because late May I began cleaning my apartment, throwing out things, donating clothes, rearranging furniture. At the time I didn’t know why I was doing it, but it brought such happiness I continued doing it. Now with just a few things to finish regarding handling my mother’s affairs, I wonder what is next? What is my next update?

There are habits I developed that I am trying to break. For example, stop taking my phone to bed with me, just in case I got a call from the nursing home. I am trying to leave it in the living room. Asking myself if I will visit mom today and then remembering I don’t have to ask myself that anymore. There are days I have so much time to do whatever I want, then wondering what to do with the time.

This post represents my beginning. It’s been a while since I have written anything, so I am trying to get back in the swing of writing. I have books to finish, a podcast to get up and running, and other creative things I look forward to starting. It brings up a familiar passage of scripture:

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:10

With God’s help, eventually I will find my way. I don’t feel lost, but I don’t feel settled either. I need to give myself time and flood myself with patience, something I think I deserve to give myself…

Life can change in an instant, in the blink of an eye. In the morning, a person can be nice. By the afternoon, just the opposite. This is what happened today.

I was surprised to learn my mother had been moved to another room in the nursing home. I was not called about that, but I was supposed to get a call. Anyway, she had been moved at the request of her then roommate, who complained about her yelling and calling her names. She finally got her wish. Instead of her being moved, my mother was moved. At least she was moved to a room with no roommate. How long that will be we will see. Remembering how she was when I visited her earlier in week, I was expecting the same, even though she had been moved to a new room. I decided not to bring up anything about what had happened that got her to a new nursing home until she brought it up. Perhaps I should have said something, but I figured since she didn’t bring it up, neither would I. Well, that had to be dealt with today.

The “how did I get here” and “what happened” questions came streaming out as soon as I got to her room. I knew something was up, because the look on her face and her comments towards me were not good, positive ones. She just started belting out instructions of what she wanted, then changing her mind when I went to get help to assist moving her to a more comfortable position in her bed. Eventually she calmed down enough for me to explain what had happened the past three weeks.

She said she remembered nothing. She didn’t remember her leg hurting, didn’t remember being in the hospital or having the surgery, and on and on it went. She didn’t believe all that was happening to her, and of course, me being her only child, I was to blame for it somehow.

But this time, something different happened on my part. I responded differently.

Usually, I take her harsh words inwardly and personally, which aids in starting the downward spiral of feeling bad. This time was different. I kept telling her I loved her, and even though she told me not to come back, and comments of “whatever you want to do, so be it” was said by her, I did not let that deter me. I was actually smiling; even that surprised me.

Despite what she said, I told her I was praying for her. Despite her saying I could do whatever I wanted to do, I told her there were many people praying for her because they cared for her. And then I told her I would be coming back to visit her when she kept saying she didn’t want to see me, that I could leave. Her usual dismissals would leave me feeling defeated in the past, but not this time. I told her I would be back. In fact, I kept saying to her over and over God’s got my back and he has hers too. Actually, that line is from a Steven Furtick sermon he had preached the past Sunday, and it and other words just seemed to come from nowhere…and with a smile on my face! Who knew?!!

“Are you finished?” she asked, in a not so nice tone. I told her, “No I’m not. You will get well, and you with the help of rehab will get you walking again, and God has our back.” (I wanted to say, regardless of your attitude, God still has you.)

Eventually, I left her room, talked to her nurse Chris, talked to the admissions director and got to my car, thanking God for being in the midst. And then, without warning, this huge grin flashed across my face. And as I turned on the radio, K-Love provided a great song by Hillsong that just summed up my visit with mom:

I’ll sing the night into the morning, I’ll sing the fear into your praise
I’ll sing my soul into your presence, Whenever I say your Name
Let the devil know not today
Whenever I say your name Jesus, Let the devil know not today!

Be encouraged…