It was more than a couple of decades ago – my son was just becoming a tween – that this happened. My dream was to get a graduate degree in psychology/counseling, and I mustered up the energy to apply, and started classes. One of the professors on the first day of class told many they had no right to be in his class because of the undergraduate majors they had – which was not psychology. Being one of those people (accounting major), I overlooked that, as I knew beforehand this instructor had a reputation which was not a positive one.

Weeks later we had our first test. I completely misread the question, and when I got the paper back, it had a big zero at the top; I was devastated and froze in my seat staring at the zero during the class break. I had my glasses on, and this instructor came over and sat in front of me, took my glasses off, and looked at them, asking me if I could see. There was no laugh, no smirk like he was attempting to make a joke. This only added to my devastation. His words faded in the background, but his response was branded in my brain. I took from that that he was viewing me an idiot, like I could not do this program. When the class returned from the break, I quickly gathered my things and left, never to return – not to his class or to the program. I felt like a complete failure.

Years later I enrolled in seminary and in 2016 I graduated from Palmer Seminary, proud of my achievements, because I wasn’t sure I could accomplish it. But even then, and currently years later, the desire for a doctorate degree in psychology &/or counseling was edged in my memory bank.

Then there was a movie on today that I watched. I believe God uses anything to encourage and challenge me, and that includes movies. It was on Amazon Prime called The Best Version of Love

Main character Rebecca was a type of life coach who was helping a retired soccer player named Clive make life changes. She incorporated various tools for him to implement to make him open up rather than block relationships with people and make himself a better person. I felt the need to write down what was being said, so here are a few:

• write down three things that shaped you as a person, and how you might make changes
• Do you have repeat patterns of behavior? My answer: definitely, and I need to change that
• Take your weaknesses and focus on your strengths
• Clive said (as he was trying to hit a golf ball) “Much easier to look than hit.” My interpretation: I choose to imagine something than to make it a reality, and I avoid things I find difficult.

Which brings me back to this dream I’ve had for years. I admit it feels like I am out of my league, and because of what the professor said years ago during class break I still think about. Whatever school I enroll in is going to be a lot of work, not to mention the possibility of taking the test afterwards to be licensed. I am not like my son who is really smart, who took his boards to be an anesthesiologist and passed it the first time during the summer. While I know anything is possible with God, do I believe I can do it? I guess I have to do the leaf challenge from the movie:

• Get a bunch of leaves and spread them out on a table.
• Each leaf represents something you need to change.
  • identify what needs to change
  • identify how to change it
• Then flip the leaf over and dispose of it.

After watching the movie (everything worked out at the end, which is what always happens with these movies), I started doing research of schools, cost, application requirements and the like. For now, my attitude is in a ‘let’s see’ mode, and for me that is a positive thing. At least I am going to give it serious consideration.

“If people aren’t calling you crazy, you aren’t thinking big enough.” -Richard Branson

(Frankly, I’m calling myself crazy for thinking this. I don’t need people to tell me…)

“If your dreams don’t scare you,

they aren’t big enough.” 

(Oh, it’s definitely big enough. Don’t worry; this scares me…)

“Think little goals and expect little achievements.” David J Schwartz

(I no longer want to be or do little anymore….)

Let it be known I don’t want to fail…

Most of this summer has been financially schizophrenic. Something happens, then it works out, and then a few days later something else goes awry. But through it all, I know I need to pass the financial test. It’s for my own good.

I can’t really explain why I haven’t learned this, but there are some things I need to learn once and for all. I admit that I should have learned it by now, and maybe finally I am getting some knowledge. God will help if you allow Him to do so. By the same token, you have to allow God to be the supreme teacher, and whether you like it or not, you have to take the class, even if it means you are kicking and screaming every step of the way. This involves some points:

God has already registered you for the class so accept it. When the finances started jumping off the rails, I had to take a pause and try to figure out what went wrong, and then figure out how to resolve it. So, I had to write down some things, and number crunch.

Do the homework assigned you and figure out what can be done better. Though I tried to come up with solutions, still other things kept coming to the surface: setting up paying rent in two payments, only for that to not work, so I need to come up with another way to make payment. Loans being refinanced, using a money tracker to see precisely where the money was going, then making changes to cause me to think before buying something. Doing the money tracker opened my eyes to how many times I ate out, how often I went to the grocery store, and deciding to only buy things when I ran out instead of buying things to be stocked up. Only buying things I really needed, not wanted.

Through the whole process, I am learning more to not stress out, but instead immediately give over to God. This was especially helpful during times when there seemed to be no way out. I continue to learn that there is an honest realism to implement truly when I say “God, I trust you.” There is a difference between just doing lip service vs. really meaning those words. I have found when I pray and give something over to God, he really does take it, replacing the inner angst with peace I can’t explain. Even if I wanted to stress over the latest financial snafu, He doesn’t allow me to take it back. For that I am so appreciative.

So, I will continue to take the class God registered me for. While I admit I was kicking and screaming at first, this student has settled in a bit. Now when I have to complete another assignment that I think I can’t pass, God gives me the confidence that I will.

So teach on God, teach on…just let me know when I get my A so I can get out of this class.

From the Message Bible:

Pile your troubles on GOD’s shoulders–he’ll carry your load, he’ll help you out. Psalm 55:22

Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you. 1 Peter 5:7

Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.

– Jeremiah 17:14 (NIV)

This verse is full of confidence in what God can do as we ask for it. It is not an arrogant stance, but a stance that is needed as we submit the request. Another way of asking is to say to God if you use your power to heal me, then it is done.

If we ask for salvation, that too is a done deal. We will be in His family because of our belief in what Christ has done on our behalf.

And when all is said and done, this verse gives God a confident statement about what we do: God is the one that we praise. Not our efforts, not our way of doing life, but God is the one we praise because He is the healer, He is the savior, He is the one we praise. What a great connection we can have with God if we make the professions that is listed in this one verse:

You heal You save I praise!

Remember we have a Source that is full of power to provide what this verse professes. Let us be confident when we say this to God, knowing that he can do what no one else can do. If you believe this verse, say it with a robust clarity that He will not only do it, but it is done!

GOD, pick up the pieces.

Put me back together again You are my praise!

–Jeremiah 17:14 (MSG)

Why is it when I want to begin something positive, turmoil resonates deep within me? Why is it when I want to start something that is meaningful and important to me, my mind seems to instantly think about something else that has nothing to do with the action I want to start? All the while this is happening, I often wonder just what is going on, and it has me often confused and frustrated.

My mind starts spinning in endless circles, thinking of other things, and before I know it, I am doing something else. I notice it is busy stuff, that can wait until another time, yet it seems like I have to get it done at that moment. There is some type of mental immediacy that tells me to focus my attention on the ‘it’ that has no importance in the here and now. But yet I find myself doing that, being in a circle of doing things that can wait to a later time.

These endless circles of the unimportant cause me to fight from within. Why do I keep doing this? I often ask myself. Unfortunately, I have no answer for it, let alone any solution to move out of these mundane and unimportant tasks. After continuing to think why I do this, I instead told myself that I need to start what is important no matter what I think.

Today was the beginning of the start.

I pulled out my reading materials, and at first I just stared at it, as though I was waiting for the endless circles to start turning in my mind. And that did happen, but this time I did not give into it. And something interesting happened to my mind.

The mental endless circles of doing something else stopped.

I was surprised. It was as though because I started doing something I deemed important won the battle, which made me feel victorious. But why was that, after weeks of trying to do the important stuff?

THE BEGINNING

IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE WORK

Every act has a beginning which is most important. The enemy also knows that to begin is the start of his demise, so he tries to do everything to stop the beginning. I realized all the endless circles was his way of stopping me from beginning, and it was working for a while. But what the enemy does not know is my God is bigger, greater, and higher than any other.

I also learned that I must keep my hand to the plow, and just begin. It doesn’t have to be for a long amount of time, the most important thing to keep in mind is to just begin. Eventually, my time in beginning will increase, as long as I keep being determined to continue.

Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be. Job 8:7

Starting out may seem small (like applying a few minutes to the task), but keep at it, and it will happen, and you will be prosperous in it. The inner struggle will dissipate, and you will be victorious.

Ask God for help. He will come to your aid.

For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:8 NIV

I have no doubt that the inner turmoil will continue to rear its ugly head. But I must do my part in continuing to ask God for help, being determined to persevere in the process.

I sought the Lord, and he heard me, And delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4 KJV (italics mine)

So I must continue to begin, to start what I want to accomplish. God will be there for me and will fight and win my battles on my behalf, as I continue to seek him.

Idea creation has never been a problem for me: starting them is my enemy. The idea sounds great and I can envision doing it, but then my head thinks too much, and weeks, usually months later, I have not started the first phase. Why?

Many reasons, and all of them are negative.

• The what-ifs start infiltrating my mind.
  • What if I am not successful?
  • What if I can’t do it?
  • What if I fail?
  • It will take forever to accomplish, so why even bother?

This causes me to be stuck in thoughts that may never happen. But why stay in this conundrum and never move forward? So, I decided to read books, like Atomic Habits by James Clear, and The Power to Change by Craig Groeschel. They are very similar in content, and both are very well written. I have read both and am trying to incorporate them into my everyday life. But it is still challenging to make the move to actually make the changes.

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training.” 1 Corinthians 9: 24,25 NIV

When someone who is a believer is in this thought pattern, it is highly likely that it is not God who is stopping any effort, but the person themselves. Actually, I think God is patiently waiting for me to bust a move, trusting him in the process. The problem (I think) is that I don’t trust myself. So, I will make tiny changes in hopes of that developing into bigger change implementation. I will start by keeping a daily journal that will detail the good and the bad of my journey. This will be coupled with a lot of prayer, and then I have to trust not only in God’s power, but also have a belief in myself that I can do this thing.

“Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction.” Germany Kent

Time will tell…

Yesterday was not a good day. Actually, it was a day where I just wasted time. Not much did I do. A couple of things got done, but not much. In particular, nothing was done to change what has been foremost on my mind: exercising and doing what I can to lose weight. Why is this?

Many reasons floating in my mind:

• Laziness
• Will I be successful? My mind thinks no
• Fear of failure

Then I thought all the above was based on my assumptions, on what I could (or could not do) in my own strength. But God can help me, if I allow Him access. For example, I started seeing articles of how others lost weight, going on a walking program, and creating a habit. That gave me an idea to start a Face Book page on creating habits. For me, that would be a way of establishing accountability with others. Well, at least that is my idea. I have to see if others will join me.

How about you? Go to my FB page entitled Habit Building and check it out. Send me your comments and hope you can join me for the journey.

Remember: With God, anything is possible. Be strengthened…

Trying to start a business has its challenges. At times I wonder just what I am doing, and I am not sure of how to go about it. Am I doing the right thing, am I on the right track? That is what I keep asking myself. I think if I peel away the layers, the underlying issue is that I am fearful I will not be successful, that I am setting up everything to fail.

Then came last night, actually early this morning.

For years I have had trouble sleeping, and it is really frustrating. During the night it appeared I would sleep for one to two hours, then wake up, go to the bathroom, and make the attempt to get back to sleep. But I also realized I was having these crazy dreams, to the point that if I wasn’t careful, I would become too scared to move. There have been times this had happened before years ago when the result being I was really scared. I would pray and call out the name of Jesus, and eventually I would go back to sleep.

A couple of months ago I purchased a new bed with an adjustable frame, and I really like it (go to dreamcloudsleep.com and check it out), in an attempt to see if a new bed would make my sleeping better, and in a lot of ways it has done just that. But when you are half awake but not yet asleep, one starts thinking something is wrong with the bed. I prayed for God to bless the bed, I prayed that I would only dream dreams God sent, I called out Jesus’ name. Then something occurred to me:

• What have you been doing of late?
• Was what you have been doing wrong, meaning is God pleased or not?
• Who is not pleased with you now?

Then I started thinking.

• I am teaching a small group using the book Don’t Give the Enemy A Seat at Your Table by Louie Giglio, which started Tuesday, and the first meeting went well.
• I started taking a class from a seminary about Christology; that started the same night
• My goal with the business is to help religious organizations by creating short videos that could introduce new sermon series
• I am creating short videos to sell as subscriptions; the videos’ point of view is based from a faith perspective

Then I remembered the dreams I was having. They were not positive; people beating each other up, chasing each other, people dressed in black doing the same. These dreams were similar to the ones I had years ago. Then the question came to me mentally if what I was doing was wrong; of course, the answer was no. But there was someone who was not happy with what I was doing, and that was the enemy. Therefore, God was pleased, and I should stay the course. He would see to it that what I need He would provide. I kept praying until I dropped back off to sleep.

Sometimes one has to take a pause and consider some things, do an analysis, the good and the bad. Frankly, I felt better regarding what I was doing, and decided to continue. I don’t know when the business will take off, but I am confident it will. And if you are going through challenges, wondering what is going on, do an analysis of the good and the bad of the situation. If the good outweighs the bad, keep trudging along, keeping God as your focus and going to him for help when the struggle seems a bit too much.

He will come to your aid; he promises to do so. If he will do it for me, he will do it for you too.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

Be strengthened…

For those of you who are walking a faith walk, I am sure you have read fear does not come from God. His word says he has not given us the spirit of fear. Yet, in this earthen body of ours, our nature experiences this phenomenon which brings on angst. This particularly happens when one makes the decision to change, to accept and embrace doing life differently. As I make the attempt to turn a new page and try something different, I have to stop and think about what I am doing.

Take for example living a life for many years of being happy for other people who take vacations, and experience time away to get some rest and have fun. I admit I have not done that much. If I did take a trip, it would be to attend a church conference. There would be so much to do during the week that there would not be time left in the schedule to tour the city and do something fun.

So, I decided to do the fun. I went to a city I have never visited, set up three sightseeing tours, picked a nice hotel for my stay, did research of the restaurants I would visit, and had some fun for a change. I only stayed four days, and it was a lovely trip to Charleston, South Carolina. I enjoyed how clean the city was, and its architecture of homes that were built in the 1600-1900s, still standing with its side porches and iron gates, many that were created by African American blacksmith Philip Simmons.

When I returned home, a new bed was soon to be delivered; it had been at least ten years since I purchased one. Another change was about to happen, and I started thinking if I should cancel the purchase. But I was glad to receive the shipment, and I am enjoying it immensely.

Before I left for my trip, I worked on starting a new business. I got the paperwork completed, got the website up and running, and I was pleased with the effort. But again, fear set in. Is this going to be profitable? Will I get any clients? Many questions came flooding in my head, and I had to stop and take time to pray.

“Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,…” Ephesians 3:20

Change may be challenging, but it is not impossible, because of the Power that works in us who are believers. Doing something new is what God has in store for us:

“Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?” Isaiah 43:19a

Change is available to those who want it. With God’s help, it will happen, as he takes the fear away, replacing it with victory of doing something new.

Check out my new website! In case you want to know NUHTIA =Now unto him that is able, from Ephesians 3:20.