It was more than a couple of decades ago – my son was just becoming a tween – that this happened. My dream was to get a graduate degree in psychology/counseling, and I mustered up the energy to apply, and started classes. One of the professors on the first day of class told many they had no right to be in his class because of the undergraduate majors they had – which was not psychology. Being one of those people (accounting major), I overlooked that, as I knew beforehand this instructor had a reputation which was not a positive one.

Weeks later we had our first test. I completely misread the question, and when I got the paper back, it had a big zero at the top; I was devastated and froze in my seat staring at the zero during the class break. I had my glasses on, and this instructor came over and sat in front of me, took my glasses off, and looked at them, asking me if I could see. There was no laugh, no smirk like he was attempting to make a joke. This only added to my devastation. His words faded in the background, but his response was branded in my brain. I took from that that he was viewing me an idiot, like I could not do this program. When the class returned from the break, I quickly gathered my things and left, never to return – not to his class or to the program. I felt like a complete failure.

Years later I enrolled in seminary and in 2016 I graduated from Palmer Seminary, proud of my achievements, because I wasn’t sure I could accomplish it. But even then, and currently years later, the desire for a doctorate degree in psychology &/or counseling was edged in my memory bank.

Then there was a movie on today that I watched. I believe God uses anything to encourage and challenge me, and that includes movies. It was on Amazon Prime called The Best Version of Love

Main character Rebecca was a type of life coach who was helping a retired soccer player named Clive make life changes. She incorporated various tools for him to implement to make him open up rather than block relationships with people and make himself a better person. I felt the need to write down what was being said, so here are a few:

• write down three things that shaped you as a person, and how you might make changes
• Do you have repeat patterns of behavior? My answer: definitely, and I need to change that
• Take your weaknesses and focus on your strengths
• Clive said (as he was trying to hit a golf ball) “Much easier to look than hit.” My interpretation: I choose to imagine something than to make it a reality, and I avoid things I find difficult.

Which brings me back to this dream I’ve had for years. I admit it feels like I am out of my league, and because of what the professor said years ago during class break I still think about. Whatever school I enroll in is going to be a lot of work, not to mention the possibility of taking the test afterwards to be licensed. I am not like my son who is really smart, who took his boards to be an anesthesiologist and passed it the first time during the summer. While I know anything is possible with God, do I believe I can do it? I guess I have to do the leaf challenge from the movie:

• Get a bunch of leaves and spread them out on a table.
• Each leaf represents something you need to change.
  • identify what needs to change
  • identify how to change it
• Then flip the leaf over and dispose of it.

After watching the movie (everything worked out at the end, which is what always happens with these movies), I started doing research of schools, cost, application requirements and the like. For now, my attitude is in a ‘let’s see’ mode, and for me that is a positive thing. At least I am going to give it serious consideration.

“If people aren’t calling you crazy, you aren’t thinking big enough.” -Richard Branson

(Frankly, I’m calling myself crazy for thinking this. I don’t need people to tell me…)

“If your dreams don’t scare you,

they aren’t big enough.” 

(Oh, it’s definitely big enough. Don’t worry; this scares me…)

“Think little goals and expect little achievements.” David J Schwartz

(I no longer want to be or do little anymore….)

Let it be known I don’t want to fail…