Why is it when I want to begin something positive, turmoil resonates deep within me? Why is it when I want to start something that is meaningful and important to me, my mind seems to instantly think about something else that has nothing to do with the action I want to start? All the while this is happening, I often wonder just what is going on, and it has me often confused and frustrated.

My mind starts spinning in endless circles, thinking of other things, and before I know it, I am doing something else. I notice it is busy stuff, that can wait until another time, yet it seems like I have to get it done at that moment. There is some type of mental immediacy that tells me to focus my attention on the ‘it’ that has no importance in the here and now. But yet I find myself doing that, being in a circle of doing things that can wait to a later time.

These endless circles of the unimportant cause me to fight from within. Why do I keep doing this? I often ask myself. Unfortunately, I have no answer for it, let alone any solution to move out of these mundane and unimportant tasks. After continuing to think why I do this, I instead told myself that I need to start what is important no matter what I think.

Today was the beginning of the start.

I pulled out my reading materials, and at first I just stared at it, as though I was waiting for the endless circles to start turning in my mind. And that did happen, but this time I did not give into it. And something interesting happened to my mind.

The mental endless circles of doing something else stopped.

I was surprised. It was as though because I started doing something I deemed important won the battle, which made me feel victorious. But why was that, after weeks of trying to do the important stuff?

THE BEGINNING

IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE WORK

Every act has a beginning which is most important. The enemy also knows that to begin is the start of his demise, so he tries to do everything to stop the beginning. I realized all the endless circles was his way of stopping me from beginning, and it was working for a while. But what the enemy does not know is my God is bigger, greater, and higher than any other.

I also learned that I must keep my hand to the plow, and just begin. It doesn’t have to be for a long amount of time, the most important thing to keep in mind is to just begin. Eventually, my time in beginning will increase, as long as I keep being determined to continue.

Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be. Job 8:7

Starting out may seem small (like applying a few minutes to the task), but keep at it, and it will happen, and you will be prosperous in it. The inner struggle will dissipate, and you will be victorious.

Ask God for help. He will come to your aid.

For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:8 NIV

I have no doubt that the inner turmoil will continue to rear its ugly head. But I must do my part in continuing to ask God for help, being determined to persevere in the process.

I sought the Lord, and he heard me, And delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4 KJV (italics mine)

So I must continue to begin, to start what I want to accomplish. God will be there for me and will fight and win my battles on my behalf, as I continue to seek him.